(Test) The case of the missing loot

[auxin]

The temple of Blind Io appears to have been mysteriously pillaged. Lance-constable Fiddyment is on the hunt for any suspicious persons in the vicinity.

Comments

[bigarmy_strangepants]

"Blows them up how?" the barbarian asks. "And cursed by what?"

[auxin]

"It belonged in the temple of Blind Io." the lance-constable says, in a low voice. "Word from the priests is he's pissed that someone stole it, and the last person who stole from Io got struck by lightning. Inside."

[bigarmy_strangepants]

"Inside the temple?" the raider asks.

[auxin]

"Inside the latrine." Auxin says. "Not a pretty way to die."

He sips the ale. "We don't usually deal with thefts, but it counts as enough of a public danger for us to investigate."

[bigarmy_strangepants]

"But when you find that thing," the raider says, "won't there be danger of you 'sploding on the loo while you have it?"

[auxin]

"Well, the gods won't be mad at me, since I'm bringing it back." Auxin reasons. "I guess if I sold it on, I'd be at risk of a zapping."

[bigarmy_strangepants]

"What does the -- artefact? -- look like, so I may avoid it if anybody offers it to me?" the barbarian asks.

It's clear he doesn't know what an artefact actually is.

[auxin]

"It's like a shiny golden pig, stolen this morning, along with a bunch of holy coins." Auxin says.

[bigarmy_strangepants]

"I'll make sure that I don't buy any golden pigs off suspicious characters," the barbarian promises.

[auxin]

"Sounds like a plan."

There is a loud 'BANG', and the centre of the barbarians' table suddenly has a singe mark on it.

The Lance-Corporal looks over questioningly.

[bigarmy_strangepants]

"Oh, did they set up another firework, those scamps?" the barbarian says, lightly.

[auxin]

Fiddyment stares for a moment, then downs the drink in one go and strides over like the proper grown up copper that he is.

"Good evening gentlemen. It appears one of you might have come into possession of a cursed statue, the effects of which you just witnessed.

I am going out back for a piss. If anyone doesn't want to be a lightning rod, hand it over to your pal by the bar, and I'll take it away when I get back with no further questions."

[bigarmy_strangepants]

The barbarians mumble.

The one by the bar grins, and quaffs his mead with never a care in the world.

[auxin]

Auxin goes outside. But he doesn't take a leak, he positions himself instead on the fence at the side of the pub so that he can see both people coming out the front or back door. Just in case one runs off with an obvious statue.

Of course if they see sense, they will hopefully give the horrible thing in.

[bigarmy_strangepants]

Nope, no obvious or surreptitious statues coming out at all.

[auxin]

Auxin casually strolls back in, doing up his fly.

"Anyone want to offload the statue?" he asks Ragnar, sitting back at the bar.

[bigarmy_strangepants]

"This one?" Ragnar asks, looking at a well-rounded golden pig that is sitting on the bar all by itself.

Nobody is even looking at it.

[auxin]

"Ah, that'll do." Fiddyment grins. "Cheers mate."

He picks up the statue and heads back out to the temple, crisis averted.

[bigarmy_strangepants]

All the coins, of course, aren't cursed and much easier to turn into something useful to your average barbarian, anyway.-