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The Case of the Baguette Bandit: Part 1
It wasn't easy to scrabble back up the edge of the dock as he exited the bar.
The two men that had been holding the glass that Lance-Constable Fiddyment had just burst through gave him a most bewildered look. But then, instinct kicked in and informed them that watchmen do not disappear and bounce back up again, but that this berk has most definitely broken their glass.
Before he gets a chance to catch up with the Dwarf Bread Baguette Mugger, one of the glass men smacks him hard in the nose.
***
"Sorry for losing him, sarge." Auxin says, as they head back to the watch house with the glass man in cuffs. Somehow, he doesn't know how to explain the whole getting-stuck-in-another-dimension thing.
"You got dis one." Detritus offers, giving the glass man a less than gentle prod with his troll finger. "Was a good arrest, you dint stop to bleed." He considers for a moment and then adds. "We got good look at him, we can find him later."
They book the prisoner in for one count of assaulting a member of the watch, then Auxin goes to sponge down some of the blood off his shirt and examine his nose in the mirror. Satisfied that he still might have a chance of attracting romance in the future, he goes to confess to Captain Carrot that he let one get away.
By the time he gets home, Fiddyment's Finest Fruits and Veg is in semi-darkness, apart from a candle lantern in the middle of the shop floor. Auxin lets himself in, stepping round the lantern. His youngest brother Root looks up from his game, which seems to be some sort of marbles using nuts, and gives the sort of nervous giggle given by younger brothers who realise that someone is going to be in trouble in a minute, and it's not going to be them.
"Mum's not going to be very pleased with your shirt." Root says quietly.
"Yeah, well. Dad won't be very pleased if he sees you playing with saleable stock." Auxin says, equally quietly.
"You weight lift the potatoes." Root retorts.
"Yeah, and he don't like me doing that neither." Auxin makes his way towards the stairs to the upstairs flat. The smell of pickles floats down the stairs; Mrs Fiddyment doesn't let any slightly past-its-best fruit or veg go to waste, but bottles it up all year to sell in winter.
It had been difficult for him to persuade his parents to let him join the watch. They complained they needed him here, to carry on supervising the deliveries and restocking the heavy stuff that his younger brothers struggled with. In the end it was Mum who had swung it, with the discovery that a fifth Fiddyment child was on the way, another little mouth to feed. Suddenly the idea of someone earning a living that paid all year round, and wasn't affected by a bad harvest or a plague of grasshoppers, seemed a lot more attractive.
It had gone down badly with his brothers. Herbert, the eldest, resented that he now had to lug around a lot more of the stock rather than doing all the business side. As far as he was concerned, this was why he'd been the one who went to school, and the other three could do the donkey work. Algae had resented having to deal with Herb in a bad mood. Root had been mostly worried that Auxin would get killed, but not wanting to be seen as soppy about it, had nodded vigorously along to whatever Algae and Herb had to say about it.
The Fiddyments lived in two rooms and an attic above the shop. The parents slept in the small bedroom, and the four boys divided the attic between them, building walls between areas with a selection of the winter stock. Auxin had the end with the window, because it was coldest, and because he'd lost a wrestle over it with Herb. To save candles, they tended to stay in the main room as much as possible.
As Auxin enters the room, his father looks up.
"Have you put the spuds out, boy?"
Fiddyment senior called all of his sons 'boy'. It saved time.
"I just need to take my armour off." Auxin says, heading towards the stairs.
"Just a minute." His mother collars him. "Look at the state of that shirt! Do you think we're made of money? Look at that tear! It'll have to be patched, Auxin."
Auxin nods meekly, escapes from his mother and heads upstairs. The idea of telling them that he went to another universe today is laughable.
It'll probably never happen again anyway. Got to be one of these one-in-a-million things.
The two men that had been holding the glass that Lance-Constable Fiddyment had just burst through gave him a most bewildered look. But then, instinct kicked in and informed them that watchmen do not disappear and bounce back up again, but that this berk has most definitely broken their glass.
Before he gets a chance to catch up with the Dwarf Bread Baguette Mugger, one of the glass men smacks him hard in the nose.
***
"Sorry for losing him, sarge." Auxin says, as they head back to the watch house with the glass man in cuffs. Somehow, he doesn't know how to explain the whole getting-stuck-in-another-dimension thing.
"You got dis one." Detritus offers, giving the glass man a less than gentle prod with his troll finger. "Was a good arrest, you dint stop to bleed." He considers for a moment and then adds. "We got good look at him, we can find him later."
They book the prisoner in for one count of assaulting a member of the watch, then Auxin goes to sponge down some of the blood off his shirt and examine his nose in the mirror. Satisfied that he still might have a chance of attracting romance in the future, he goes to confess to Captain Carrot that he let one get away.
By the time he gets home, Fiddyment's Finest Fruits and Veg is in semi-darkness, apart from a candle lantern in the middle of the shop floor. Auxin lets himself in, stepping round the lantern. His youngest brother Root looks up from his game, which seems to be some sort of marbles using nuts, and gives the sort of nervous giggle given by younger brothers who realise that someone is going to be in trouble in a minute, and it's not going to be them.
"Mum's not going to be very pleased with your shirt." Root says quietly.
"Yeah, well. Dad won't be very pleased if he sees you playing with saleable stock." Auxin says, equally quietly.
"You weight lift the potatoes." Root retorts.
"Yeah, and he don't like me doing that neither." Auxin makes his way towards the stairs to the upstairs flat. The smell of pickles floats down the stairs; Mrs Fiddyment doesn't let any slightly past-its-best fruit or veg go to waste, but bottles it up all year to sell in winter.
It had been difficult for him to persuade his parents to let him join the watch. They complained they needed him here, to carry on supervising the deliveries and restocking the heavy stuff that his younger brothers struggled with. In the end it was Mum who had swung it, with the discovery that a fifth Fiddyment child was on the way, another little mouth to feed. Suddenly the idea of someone earning a living that paid all year round, and wasn't affected by a bad harvest or a plague of grasshoppers, seemed a lot more attractive.
It had gone down badly with his brothers. Herbert, the eldest, resented that he now had to lug around a lot more of the stock rather than doing all the business side. As far as he was concerned, this was why he'd been the one who went to school, and the other three could do the donkey work. Algae had resented having to deal with Herb in a bad mood. Root had been mostly worried that Auxin would get killed, but not wanting to be seen as soppy about it, had nodded vigorously along to whatever Algae and Herb had to say about it.
The Fiddyments lived in two rooms and an attic above the shop. The parents slept in the small bedroom, and the four boys divided the attic between them, building walls between areas with a selection of the winter stock. Auxin had the end with the window, because it was coldest, and because he'd lost a wrestle over it with Herb. To save candles, they tended to stay in the main room as much as possible.
As Auxin enters the room, his father looks up.
"Have you put the spuds out, boy?"
Fiddyment senior called all of his sons 'boy'. It saved time.
"I just need to take my armour off." Auxin says, heading towards the stairs.
"Just a minute." His mother collars him. "Look at the state of that shirt! Do you think we're made of money? Look at that tear! It'll have to be patched, Auxin."
Auxin nods meekly, escapes from his mother and heads upstairs. The idea of telling them that he went to another universe today is laughable.
It'll probably never happen again anyway. Got to be one of these one-in-a-million things.